I recently ran across an interesting statement falling in love is something that happens to you, lasting love is something you create. Wow, is that ever true. Our failure to grasp that concept seems to be at the root of many break-ups. Isn't that initial feeling blissful! Who wouldn't want to feel that all the time? But the reality is, we can't. Our emotions, just like everything else in life, have a natural ebb and flow. 
When our feelings of love start to ebb, we start to doubt if we have discovered "true love." We look for a cause and we start assigning blame. "There are some things that you do that really get on my nerves." "I'm not feeling close to you anymore because you don't treat me the way you use to"...etc. A negative mindset kicks in and here we go. What use to be easily overlooked now becomes a blaring neon sign.  
Maybe there is some wisdom in cultures that believe commitment comes first, love comes later. The emphasis is placed on the effort rather than the feelings. I can control my effort but it's much harder to control my feelings.
Researchers have discovered that the key to a healthy stable relationship seems to be based on the strength of the friendship. We know that friendships require effort (i.e. nurture and cultivation.) Why do we assume "love" is different? Maybe it's all those fairy tales and romance novels. Love sweeps us off our feet and carries us all the way to "til death do us part." NOT!
If you are feeling stuck in a negative loop that you can't seem to break, maybe it's time to ask for help. But then again maybe your relationship just needs a little TLC.
 


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